Confidence or arrogance?

We often find things that we pick out that we like to describe people with. Like some people in high school would be classified as nerds or jocks or various other things. It no matter what we think has an impact for the rest of our lives. I came to a realization Monday about something that MUST change about my character.

I learned that I am a very very judgmental person. I am not in the least bit proud of this fact. I learned, or more realisticaly God showed me, this while sitting in class. There is this guy in my networking class. He's a fairly large guy and sat in front of me. I found myself thinking something along the lines of: "WOW at least I am not that big." I was easily convicted and then I was like: "WOAH where did that come from." See I have always been concerned with my weight ever since I started to gain it. I mean its something that basically shattered my once confident self. Ask Matt, he will tell you I was one cocky little brat in my youth. I always was the best of the best. I compared whatever I did with what others did and I would laugh at them for their lacking abilities. This is definitely not something I am proud of either.

Now that the shoe is on the other foot, I lack any sense of confidence. I doubt everything I am and everything I do. I doubt that I have received the Gift of Salvation all the time. I just lack these things because of the way my life has turned.

This again isn't something I am proud of. Then yesterday at small group we covered some 1 John 2. We came to the conclusion that we shouldn't doubt the fact that we have been saved. It says we should make decisions and go all in. Don't go halfway and keep wavering. And if it just happens to be that we realize it was the wrong way after going all out, then hey we repent. We tell God that we realize we made a mistake, that we aren't perfect. We also should walk with confidence. We have GOD on ourside. We have GOD inside of us. He is going to give us the things we need no matter what. We just need to walk up and do it with all of our ability. We shouldn't doubt or have a double-minded personality. This is what I have been struggling with for a while now. It's been growing in conviction and really needs to change.

I know that my own confidence levels are unfounded. Like the fact that I consider myself a terrible writer. I have been told by a lot of people that I am a great writer. One that writes with a purpose and with some authority. I don't see it when I write it, but after a week or so, I reread what I have written. I think to myself "WOW! Where did all this come from, no wonder why people think I can write." This goes to show that I have plenty of things to grow into and I look forward to the changes that are happening.

God bless
Ricky